I’ve heard so many times that the transition from one to two children is the hardest, no matter how many kids you end up with. I think I finally believe those people. Having two kids is like trying to landscape your yard in the middle of a hurricane.

My day goes a little something like this…

Peanut wakes up, then she’s changed and nursed. Sometime during that nursing session, Boo wakes up and demands breakfast. I ask her to be patient. She throws a tantrum. I set the baby in the crib to change Boo’s diaper (because she’s still so freaking resistant to potty training) and if I’m lucky, Peanut will fall back to sleep, but usually all three of us head downstairs.

Once we’re downstairs, I put Peanut in the swing and turn it on to distract her while I get Boo breakfast. By the time she’s got breakfast, Peanut is crying and wants to be picked up. I pick her up and interact with her while Boo eats, and at some point, Boo asks for more food, usually after only eating about half of what I’ve given her. I ask her to finish what she has. Another meltdown.

I nurse Peanut again and, if the stars align, she’ll let me put her in her swing so I can go about my day trying to get things done, like dishes, laundry, or whatever else has to be taken care of. My chores are usually interrupted by a toddler who wants my attention, so I spend some time with her, and then Peanut wakes up crying for the boob once more. My day is spent mostly with trying to keep the baby happy, while the toddler throws constant tantrums because she’s still not used to sharing her time with me yet.

It’s hard. It’s both emotionally and physically draining at times. At the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I’m not the mom I want to be, but I’m trying so hard to be a good one to both my girls.

Some days, I feel like I’m trying to tread water with weights tied around my ankles and I’m so close to drowning.

Today was not a good day. Boo is recovering from an ear infection and Peanut has been abnormally clingy too – maybe it’s a wonder week, maybe it’s a growth spurt, maybe she isn’t feeling great, I don’t know – so both kids needed me. Boo threw tantrums. Peanut cried more than usual. I could have been more patient and more understanding, but today was hard.

Tomorrow will be better. I have hope that eventually, at some point, parenting two littles will become easier. Until then, I’ll just work to keep my head above water.