Chapters End Where New Ones Begin

For the better part of the last ten years, I’ve been either pregnant or nursing. Two days ago, Buddy decided that he no longer needs to nurse to go to sleep.

I knew the end was coming. He’s four years old and I didn’t want to rush it, knowing that he was my last baby. I told myself that when he was four and a half, if he hadn’t stopped on his own, I would cut him off. That deadline came and went and I didn’t stick to it, but it wasn’t long before he made the decision himself.

I’m happy to have my body back. It’s finally mine again.

But I’m also sad about that chapter ending.

Boo is halfway through third grade now and Peanut is halfway through kindergarten. Buddy will (hopefully) be starting school this fall and I have no idea when my kids got to be so big. You don’t see them growing up in the little moments; it’s when you take a step back and look at the bigger picture that you realize how far you’ve come.

Are You Sure You Want Kids?

If you were unsure about having kids, let me tell you a story of what it’s like to have a three and a half year old and a five month old.

A couple of days ago, after I was finished with work, I went downstairs to start dinner. Chicken tacos were on the menu, and I put a few chicken breasts in my Instant Pot to get those going. When it came time to shred the chicken, I pulled each one out individually to do so.

Meanwhile, Boo was keeping herself busy and Peanut was in one of those sit-and-stand toys in the kitchen, keeping herself occupied. Boo kept asking for “yellow cheese,” which really just means she wanted the Kraft singles that were in the fridge. I told her to wait, dinner would be done soon, but she got into the fridge anyway to grab her cheese.

Fine. Whatever. It’s not worth the fight.

She was on her third slice when she asked if she could go potty – because, no matter how often I tell her she doesn’t need permission, she always has to have my blessing before she uses it. I sent her away, telling her to go ahead and go potty. By then, Peanut started crying, wanting out of her toy. I kept talking to try to distract her until I could finish with the chicken.

Boo came back into the kitchen a couple of minutes later, asking me about the potty. Then she said cheese. Specifically, it came out, “Cheese potty.” I knew immediately where this was going, yet I still found myself asking…

“What about the cheese and the potty? Did you throw your cheese into the toilet?”

No response from Boo. I set down my fork and my knife and headed around the corner to the bathroom, which is when Peanut got really upset and wouldn’t calm down. Sure enough, there was the slice of cheese sitting at the top of the water. I sighed. “Why is your cheese in the potty?” I asked.

All Boo could do was ask me to get it out.

I explained that I couldn’t and tried to flush it, and the toilet was clogged. Peanut was crying so hard that I knew I would need to come back to it in a minute, so I went back to the kitchen to grab her, and she had pooped – and it had gone halfway up her back. (No wonder she was crying!) I panicked for a minute, then went back to the toilet to quickly unclog it.

Then, I went back to clean up Peanut a little so I could pick her up to take her upstairs for a change. Boo, upon realizing that her cheese was gone forever, began sobbing about the fact that the toilet had essentially eaten the cheese that she had intended to eat herself. There were tears. So, so many tears.

I got Peanut cleaned up, gave her a bath, and put her down for a nap while Boo continued to be upset about cheese. “Cheese gone, Mom?” Yes, honey; the cheese is gone forever. That’s what happens when we throw it into the toilet.

Chaos. And this was an easy day.

So, just in case you were wondering, this is what parenthood is like.

Bedtime Buddies

We have our crib set up next to the bed with only three sides assembled, so the crib mattress is sort of an extension of our big mattress. This gives Peanut her own space to sleep while still keeping her close enough to keep an eye on her and breastfeed her easily in the middle of the night. It works – and she sleeps like a rock most nights. I get a good three to four hours before she wakes up to feed most

She’s been cranky the last couple of days and has had trouble sleeping. After putting her to bed, I went downstairs to catch up on Game of Thrones. I thought she was sleeping almost too soundly given how she’s been acting the last couple of days. As it turns out, Boo had gotten out of bed and got on our bed to lay in my spot on the bed, next to where Peanut was laying in the crib.

Boo is so incredibly jealous of Peanut most of the time, and this warms my heart. I have no doubt that Peanut is sleeping better tonight because Boo is laying with her. (She always sleeps better when I’m in bed too.)

I love them both so much.

I’m going to finish this episode of Game of Thrones and then head to bed. I’m not quite sure I have the heart to move Boo back into her room tonight. We’ll see.