pregnancy

2013: The First Year of Parenthood

/ Katie / 4 Comments

It’s crazy to think that a year ago, I was the size of a whale – and it’s even crazier to think that in just a couple of weeks, my baby girl will be turning a year old. Where the heck did the last year go?

FIRST YEAR 01Here I am, exactly a year ago today, one week from my due date and anxiously waiting to meet my daughter. I was uncomfortable and excited and nervous and tired; I was a giant bundle of nerves, and I had no idea what was in store for me in those following days, weeks, years. I remember when I was a child, all the horror stories I’d heard about the pain of labor, and throughout my teen years, I thought, “That will never be me, I could never put myself through that kind of agony, why do people have children?” And as I got older, that sort of mindset seemed to change, and when I did find myself suddenly pregnant, I remained cautiously optimistic that all those horror stories I’d heard about the pain and the changes my body would go through had been just that: stories. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

It was, however, even worse than I could have ever imagined. The pain was excruciating, but I survived. (And I owe a great deal of thanks to modern medicine – the epidural was the only thing that kept me going.) It was exciting, though, and at the end of it all, I got to meet my precious bundle of joy. I look back at the photos from her birth now and think about how amazing the female body is; I created a human being, I gave life to this little human being, I brought her into this world. How incredible is that?

My boyfriend swears that there’s this sort of pregnancy amnesia that all women have. They forget about all the bad stuff during labor and remember all the good; I think he’s probably right.

2013 was a great year for us. It had its share of ups and downs, but it was the year that we gave little Boo to the world, and it’s the year that we officially became a family. I gave birth to the love of my life, I quit my job in retail to work from home as a personal assistant, my boyfriend accepted a job making double what he was making at his previous job. Boo survived long car rides, a vacation on the beach, and her first round of holidays – and she got to meet her great-great-grandmother!

This past year has reminded me how incredibly lucky I am to have the life I lead. My New Year’s resolutions this year are simple: to keep myself positive, no matter what happens, and to write more. I’m so very excited to see what 2014 will bring. (And if 2014 happens to bring more sleep… I would be so very, very grateful!)

The Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had a Baby

/ Katie / Leave a comment

When I found out I was pregnant, a friend of mine was kind enough to loan me a few books on pregnancy and parenthood and I read through a lot of it to try to prepare myself for what was ahead. They were books that told me all about my child’s development, all about how to begin breastfeeding, what to expect those first few nights – but nothing in those books prepared me for what parenthood was really about.

  1. Your body will change… and it will never be the same again. I’m not talking about stretch marks and belly flab (which pretty much will never go away), I mean everything changes. Your metabolism, your skin, your joints – no part of you is safe.
  2. Breastfeeding is natural, but it also hurts like hell. Everyone told me it would just take a few days for the pain to go away and a few weeks for me to get fully used to it – they were wrong, wrong, wrong. I’m ten months in and even now, it’s not always a pleasant experience, and the first couple of months were complete torture. (Side note: if you’re not breastfeeding, someone will inevitably think it’s wrong that you didn’t try, or that you didn’t want to, or that you couldn’t and you didn’t try hard enough to do it. Screw them. You’re feeding your baby, and that automatically makes you a good mom. It’s no one’s business whether you breastfeed or formula-feed anyway.)
  3. Your relationship will completely change, either for better or for worse. The first couple of months, there were times I hated my boyfriend. (Thankfully, once I was no longer so sleep-deprived and my hormones had finally leveled out, this feeling went away, but it still made things hard.)
  4. Speaking of relationships, remember the sex life you had before the baby? It’s pretty much gone. When you’re in the mood, your child will be awake and wanting to play with you. When your child is finally down for a few hours, one of you will be too tired. When you finally do have some time (and energy!) to spend together, you’ll be interrupted by screaming from the other room.
  5. You cannot train a child. They are not dogs, they are human beings and each one of them is precious and unique in their own way. Embrace the chaos, it’s the only way you’ll survive.
  6. “Sleeping through the night” doesn’t actually mean “sleeping through the night.” For a baby, “sleeping through the night” is a good four or five hour stretch and most babies don’t ever do that until they’re much, much older. For a while, I thought there was something I was doing wrong, because my child wouldn’t sleep more than an hour or two at night. Even now, she wakes up at least two or three times a night.
  7. Baby poop smells – worse than you can even imagine, especially once your baby starts solids. Learn to hold your breath during diaper changes and make sure you’ve invested in a good diaper genie.
  8. Don’t stress out about the housework you didn’t get to today. If you have the choice between finishing up that last load of dishes or playing with your child, do the latter. Housework can always wait until tomorrow, but your child will grow up before you know it.
  9. There will always be someone there to tell you that you’re doing it wrong. Every mom who’s been there and done that will give you advice whether you want it or not. Just smile and nod. In the end, simply trust your instincts, as they’re the most valuable tool you can use when it comes to being a parent. Sure, they’ve been there, done that, but at the end of the day, every child is different and you know your child better than anyone else. (And those people who try to give you advice and have never even had children? Laugh at them. And tell them that they have no business giving you advice.)
  10. You will experience love in a way that you’ve never experienced before. Nothing will ever be the same.

At the end of the day, though, I wouldn’t change a thing.

When You Become Pregnant, Suddenly No One Wants to Be Your Friend

/ Katie / Leave a comment

Let me preface this post by saying this: I am not really a people person. I mean, I’m friendly enough, but if I have the choice between staying at home and going out into the world where there are actual people, I’d choose staying at home just about any day of the week. I’m not very social.

I don’t really know why, though. In college, I was always making friends and going to parties and trying to do as much, see as much, meet as many new people as possible. I’m not quite sure what changed. I know it wasn’t motherhood, because my anxiety about going out into the real world started to set in well before that, but maybe becoming a mom solidified the feeling for me.

I vaguely remember having a conversation with my boyfriend a couple of years ago about maturity, and he claimed that I’d sort of left him in the dust in that department; while he was still keen on going out to parties, spending as much time with friends as possible, making silly jokes, and just finding joy in the little things, I no longer had a desire to do that. I preferred solitude, or just hanging out at home with him, and at some point, I had become a bit more serious than in years past. Was that what I had to look forward to as I got older? Losing my sense of humor and becoming a hermit, only emerging into the world when I ran out of groceries or was forced to do so? That didn’t seem like much fun at all.

Despite the fact that I practically had to be dragged out of my apartment by my boyfriend, with my arms and legs flailing the whole way, I almost always ended up having a good time anyway. And I still had friends. I had a lot of friends, actually. We hung out, we went to the bar, we texted each other, I had people to confide in and let loose with.

Then I got pregnant.

For some reason, when you get pregnant, something weird happens with most of your friendships. They start to dwindle away. It’s this magical process that a lot of moms I talk to tend to complain about. “I got pregnant and my friends stopped talking to me.” Maybe it’s not quite as dramatic as it sounds, but it does sting a little when you watch your friendships disappear because of a baby on the way. It’s usually because you’re in different places in your lives; while some people still want to be able to go out and party and have the ability to make plans at a moment’s notice, you’re waiting something that’s going to change your life forever.

Once that baby is born, everything changes. No more late-night trips to the grocery store for no reason in particular. No more evenings at the bar, complaining about your day with a group of friends you work with, awaiting next morning’s hangover. No more doing anything on your own. Every decision you make impacts this little person that you created. Parenthood is both a blessing and a curse in this regard.

Since I had a baby, I’m pretty sure I’ve hung out with friends less than a dozen times. It always takes a while to get myself out, but once I’m out, I’m usually thankful for the push. I got to catch up with a good friend today, who also got to meet my daughter for the first time, and it was a nice little way to end my afternoon. It makes me wish I had more friends – specifically, I wish I had more “mommy” friends. I just don’t seem to have many around here, and being a stay-at-home mom, it would be nice to have a little adult interaction from time to time. It would also be nice for my daughter to have play dates and meet children her own age. Maybe in time, I’ll come to meet more moms. Maybe when my old friends start having children of their own, I’ll have a few more people to connect with.

I just wish that someone had warned me that this would be something I’d have to worry about once I had kids. Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m not very social.