I’m 22 years old. I have a college degree, I’ve been in a steady relationship for nearly four and a half years, I’ve been steadily employed since I was 16, I pay my own rent, I take care of myself the best I can, but I still have a lot of growing up to do.
I’m also about to become a mother.
As I write this, it’s late on January 9, 2013, and my due date is nine days away. I have been preparing for this for the last forty weeks (give or take). I have been telling everyone how excited I am to have this child, despite the fact that this pregnancy was not planned, and how ready I am to meet her.
You want to know the truth? I’m absolutely terrified. I’m a first-time mom, I have no experience with newborns, I have no idea what to expect. I’m so ready to be done being pregnant, but my brain is telling me, “You’re going to be a mom? Why the hell would you want to do that?” I can barely take care of myself, and the thought that I’ll have to take care of another human being, to be responsible for raising that human being, to be responsible for teaching her right from wrong, to have to worry about someone other than myself because every single one of my choices could affect her – that’s a scary thing. Absolutely terrifying. And the thought that I’ll no longer be able to just do what I want – like going on last-minute trips to the bar for drinks, late-night runs to the grocery store just because, having friends stop by unannounced, staying up until five in the morning because I have nothing better to do – is actually a little bit saddening. In a single moment, my entire life is going to change, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it at this point.
The point of this blog is to give me an outlet to talk about my experiences as a new mother, and as a young woman just trying to grow up. I will make mistakes, but I vow to learn from them, and maybe if someone stumbles upon this, they could learn a thing or two as well.
This is the beginning of the rest of my life.