life

Spending Time with My Little Family

/ Katie / Leave a comment

During my pregnancy, I was told that the key to a healthy relationship after having a baby was spending at least a couple nights a month together as a couple. Unfortunately, that’s a lot easier said than done. At the beginning, I had a high needs baby who needed to be held, comforted, and loved every second that she was awake. She became upset if I was out of her sight for too long and finding a reliable babysitter was difficult. I found a job working from home in order to keep us both happy, between her separation anxiety and my postpartum depression and anxiety.

I long for a night out with my boyfriend without the baby, but without a babysitter we can count on and trust, and without her being able to be away from me for more than five minutes at a time, it’s pretty much impossible for us to spend any time together without her. I’m hoping that over the course of the next few months, she’ll begin to grow a bit less dependent on needing her mommy around all the time. Don’t get me wrong: I love my daughter, I love being a mom, and I love that I have the option of staying home with her, but I believe my relationship is important, too. Especially now that we have a child together.

Since we don’t really get one-on-one time anymore, except maybe a bit before bed, we still manage to find time to go out as a family. Money is tight, but we’ve been finding things to do once a week that cost little or nothing. It’s nice to get out of the apartment for a little while and put everything else on the back burner for a couple of hours and just focus on the three of us as a family. I think it’s good for her, too, because she becomes a little more comfortable with new people each time too.

At the very last minute, we decided last Sunday, August 18, that we’d take the little miss out to some botanical gardens that aren’t too far away from where we live. Admission is free and they claim to be open until sunset; we arrived with only a couple of hours of daylight left. The only problem with these weekly outings is that it’s becoming increasingly more difficult to find something we haven’t done before or something that doesn’t cost money. Parks are usually a good option, but those get pretty dull after a while, you know?

We packed up the baby and the stroller, grabbed a couple of sodas from Speedway, and made our way there. I was excited. It was a place that I’d never been, nor had I even heard of, and while I hoped that Boo would have a good time, I have to admit, this outing was probably a lot more for me and her father than it was for her. She seemed to have a good time, though, and she was a happy camper when we left. She slept just about the entire way home, which is a good thing. I remember babysitting a friend’s daughter once and when I brought her back to her parents, exhausted from our day at the mall and having spent a significant amount of time napping in my car, her mother told me, “You wore her out. That means you did something right! You’ll make a good mom someday.” Those words stuck with me.

The place is amazing, and for the very low price of free, I couldn’t have been happier with the experience. We didn’t get to see it all, as the grounds are huge, but we did get to explore a big chunk of it, both inside and out. Outside, they have various trails that you can walk and all kinds of cool plants that line the walkways. There’s a little river that runs through and I got really excited when I saw a sign for a “labyrinth” hidden back down one of the trails. Imagine my disappointment when we didn’t come across a maze, but patches of grass made to go in this sort of loop with three large rocks in the center of it. As you can see from the photo, it’s not really what I expected. Apparently, it’s supposed to be a calming exercise; there’s a beginning and you walk the little path in between the grass until you get to the middle, which is the end. I don’t really understand it, but it was kind of cool. A maze would have been cooler though.

After walking down one of the trails for a while, we stopped at the building near the entrance, where they have a greenhouse. They have three different sections: one for tropical plants, one for desert plants, and one for a mixed variety of plants. The tropical section was, by far, the coolest. It had a neat little pond at the beginning and it stayed relatively cool, despite the warm weather outside and the fact that it was a greenhouse. There was even a little waterfall. In the “mixed” area, there was a pond with some fish in it that Boo seemed to enjoy watching. There’s a plethora of plants in the building, and I honestly didn’t learn a single thing from the trip, but it was fun anyway.

We’re probably going back there tomorrow to catch some of the stuff we missed.

I love my little family. Our “family time” is the thing I look forward to most during the week, and it’s some of the most important time we can all spend together, away from the distractions of work and technology and the housework we have to do. The time together reminds me how lucky and grateful I am to have these two people in my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When You Become Pregnant, Suddenly No One Wants to Be Your Friend

/ Katie / Leave a comment

Let me preface this post by saying this: I am not really a people person. I mean, I’m friendly enough, but if I have the choice between staying at home and going out into the world where there are actual people, I’d choose staying at home just about any day of the week. I’m not very social.

I don’t really know why, though. In college, I was always making friends and going to parties and trying to do as much, see as much, meet as many new people as possible. I’m not quite sure what changed. I know it wasn’t motherhood, because my anxiety about going out into the real world started to set in well before that, but maybe becoming a mom solidified the feeling for me.

I vaguely remember having a conversation with my boyfriend a couple of years ago about maturity, and he claimed that I’d sort of left him in the dust in that department; while he was still keen on going out to parties, spending as much time with friends as possible, making silly jokes, and just finding joy in the little things, I no longer had a desire to do that. I preferred solitude, or just hanging out at home with him, and at some point, I had become a bit more serious than in years past. Was that what I had to look forward to as I got older? Losing my sense of humor and becoming a hermit, only emerging into the world when I ran out of groceries or was forced to do so? That didn’t seem like much fun at all.

Despite the fact that I practically had to be dragged out of my apartment by my boyfriend, with my arms and legs flailing the whole way, I almost always ended up having a good time anyway. And I still had friends. I had a lot of friends, actually. We hung out, we went to the bar, we texted each other, I had people to confide in and let loose with.

Then I got pregnant.

For some reason, when you get pregnant, something weird happens with most of your friendships. They start to dwindle away. It’s this magical process that a lot of moms I talk to tend to complain about. “I got pregnant and my friends stopped talking to me.” Maybe it’s not quite as dramatic as it sounds, but it does sting a little when you watch your friendships disappear because of a baby on the way. It’s usually because you’re in different places in your lives; while some people still want to be able to go out and party and have the ability to make plans at a moment’s notice, you’re waiting something that’s going to change your life forever.

Once that baby is born, everything changes. No more late-night trips to the grocery store for no reason in particular. No more evenings at the bar, complaining about your day with a group of friends you work with, awaiting next morning’s hangover. No more doing anything on your own. Every decision you make impacts this little person that you created. Parenthood is both a blessing and a curse in this regard.

Since I had a baby, I’m pretty sure I’ve hung out with friends less than a dozen times. It always takes a while to get myself out, but once I’m out, I’m usually thankful for the push. I got to catch up with a good friend today, who also got to meet my daughter for the first time, and it was a nice little way to end my afternoon. It makes me wish I had more friends – specifically, I wish I had more “mommy” friends. I just don’t seem to have many around here, and being a stay-at-home mom, it would be nice to have a little adult interaction from time to time. It would also be nice for my daughter to have play dates and meet children her own age. Maybe in time, I’ll come to meet more moms. Maybe when my old friends start having children of their own, I’ll have a few more people to connect with.

I just wish that someone had warned me that this would be something I’d have to worry about once I had kids. Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m not very social.

A Reflection on the Last Six Months

/ Katie / Leave a comment

When I was a kid, I wish I’d listened more to what my family members had to say regarding children and parenting. I remember my grandma telling me about how I just “grew up so fast” and that I’d never really understand what it’s like to watch a child grow up until I had children of my own. I chalked this up to just “grandma being grandma” – you know, one of those things that goes in one ear and out the other and you don’t pay much mind to it – but she was right. Tomorrow will be my daughter’s six month birthday and I can’t believe how fast these past few months have come and gone.

It’s hard to believe that just over six months ago, my due date (January 18) had come and gone and I was still as big as a whale, anxiously awaiting the arrival of my firstborn. I remember when the day to induce finally came around. I spent my time alternating between cleaning, getting my bag packed, cleaning, and trying not to freak out. (I’m pretty sure that’s also the day that I figured out that my maternity leave was all sorts of screwed up and I had no idea when I’d have an income again, but that’s a story for another day.)

I remember walking into the hospital and checking in at the nurse’s station, being escorted into a room where my induction would take place, answering about a million questions, and then patiently waiting for the doctor to come in and start the whole process. I remember the anxiety, the boredom, the excitement, the terror, the happiness,  the pain, and the relief of knowing the long pregnancy was about to be over. I pretended to be calm. I was ready to meet the little girl that had been growing inside me for the past several months and I was ready for my pregnancy to be over with; on the other hand, I was completely unprepared for what was to come. I was not ready to be someone’s mom, but when you think about it, who really is until it happens?

I still think a lot about Boo’s birth. I remember that final push and the doctor telling me to reach down and grab her, to pull her up to my chest; I remember the way she felt, the way she smelled, the way she laid in the middle of my chest for the first time, so still and calm and quiet. Surprisingly, I was also still and calm and quiet, and during those first few moments that she was on my chest, all I could think was, “It’s over. She’s here.” There’s nothing more surreal than meeting your baby for the first time.

She was perfect. Eight pounds and eight ounces of pure perfection. I was happy, exhausted, relieved; my time as “being Mommy” had officially begun.

The first few weeks were sort of a blur, as I’m sure it is for any parent the first time they bring a new baby home from the hospital. For a short time, I will admit, I was miserable – sleep deprivation will do that to you. I felt like a bad mom because there were times where I resented my situation. I don’t really know who I was mad at – maybe my boyfriend, maybe myself, maybe even the baby – and it took me a long time for those feelings to pass. Then, when they did, I found myself going back to work and hating myself for leaving her in the care of someone other than me. Postpartum hormones really do a number on your mind sometimes.

In a way, it’s been a very long six months, and yet it’s gone by way too fast. She’s getting bigger and smarter everyday. She’s learning new things all the time. I’ve realized recently that sometimes, I need to just take a step back and enjoy her now, just live in the moment, because she’s not going to be this little forever. There will come a day when I’ll look back and wish that I’d appreciated the time a little bit more.