Author: Katie

Happy Mother’s Day

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To the other moms of the world:

Happy Mother’s Day!

We spend so much time putting our children first, it’s nice to take one day to allow ourselves to be a little selfish. Today is about you. Get that massage. Buy that thing at the mall that you’ve had your eye for months but couldn’t justify a reason to purchase it. Open up a bottle of wine. Take a nice long bath with candles and your favorite book while someone else watches your kid(s). Order take-out and binge on those shows you need to catch up on. Go take a nap. Do whatever the hell you want because you’ve earned it.

You’re beautiful and amazing and sometimes, you’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. When things are tough, remember that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel and your children will never stop loving you. Keep being you. You’re a great mother.

To all the moms out there – young moms, older moms, new moms, moms who have lost their children, future moms who are struggling to conceive – happy Mother’s Day! You are awesome. You are beautiful. You are loved. Pamper yourself, relax today, take a little time to remember how great you are, and never forget how much your children love you.

My Daughter is the Center of My World

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This post about the mom whose kids “are not the center of [her] world” has been shared more times than I can count on my Facebook news feed from various different sources. I really didn’t want to address it. I wanted to pretend it just didn’t exist. A friend of mine asked me for my take on it. Admittedly, I was reluctant – yet here we are.

Here’s how I would like to respond to the article. (Before you read on, I suggest you read the post in the link above.)

My daughter is the center of my world. That does not mean that she gets her way all the time, or that I will raise her with a sense of entitlement. She will learn about failure, and she will feel heartbreak; these are things that I cannot prevent, nor would I want to. They’re part of the human experience and it’s important that we know failure and heartbreak so that we can grow as people. It doesn’t do your children any good to shelter and coddle them. That’s one thing that we agree on. My daughter is the center of my world, though; she’s the most important person in my life. This is my most important role.

If your boys aren’t the center of your world, that’s fine. I suppose we simply have different priorities on what is most important in life, and that’s okay. I don’t think that saying children are the center of your world means that you cater to their every whim. It certainly doesn’t mean that for me. I think it’s also rather arrogant to say that you love them enough to not allow them to be the center of everything, implying that those of us who do consider our children to be at the center of our worlds don’t love our children as much as you do.

I’m sorry if you feel that the society we’re growing up in means that your boys can’t “just be boys.” Let’s be honest, though, the phrase “let boys be boys” is a pretty antiquated expression. Boys can be whatever they want to be. Boys can be rough and energetic and loud, or they can be quiet and gentle and contemplative, or anything in between. Girls, too. There is no specific personality trait that you can attribute to all little boys or all little girls. Every child is unique and has his or her own personality and interests.

I really hate the idea that boys – or girls – are supposed to act a certain way.

I think we need to be clear on what bullying is It is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. Bullying isn’t just physical. While you may have been called names and were picked on in school and made it out without any psychological scars, not everyone does. Not everyone handles those situations the same way you did. You have no idea what another person’s mental state is like. Perhaps instead of telling our children to just “suck it up,” maybe we should instead focus more on teaching our children to be respectful of others.

And, please, do not downplay the idea of suicide. It is a very real problem and comes from depression – you know, an actual medical condition that can be observed and diagnosed. It’s downright disrespectful to those who have honestly struggled to try and downplay the fact that there are teenagers out where who have contemplated – or attempted to commit suicide – after being consistently picked on and bullied.

I consider myself a “modern parent.” Yes, I do cater to my daughter’s every need right now because she’s still so young and she can’t quite communicate what she wants and she doesn’t fully understand why I do or don’t do something just yet. She’s not old enough to comprehend the situation. Will it be like this throughout her childhood? Absolutely not, but until she’s old enough to understand why I’m not going to her right away or old enough to take care of herself a little more, I’m going to continue to go to her when she cries, to let her know that I’m here every time she needs me.

She’ll grow out of it.

I hope that she will know failure and success, heartache and joy, criticism and praise, because even though I want her to have all good things, she will be able to learn and grow from the bad. I hope I will raise her to be independent and strong, while also knowing that when she needs me most, I will always be here to comfort and guide her and be her strength if that’s what she needs. She will make mistakes, and that’s okay. She will be raised to use “please” and “thank you” and to treat everyone she meets with utmost respect, because that’s how I was raised.

Our job as parents is to do the best we can and to raise the best people we can raise. If you feel you’re doing your part, that’s wonderful – but please don’t look down on those of us who view parenting differently.

On Love and Marriage

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If you had told me when I was younger that I’d meet the person I’d want to spend the rest of my life with at eighteen years old, I wouldn’t have believed it. I probably would have laughed at you, actually, because love wasn’t exactly a priority for me as I grew up. Was it something I wanted? Sure, but I certainly didn’t expect it to happen when it did. I guess that’s kind of how love is, though.

My boyfriend and I met at the end of August in 2008. We were both college freshmen and we met during the weekend of freshmen orientation. I thought he was this really awkward nerdy kid, and I’d imagine he didn’t think much of me at the time. He was nice, though, and he offered to let me tag along to a party during one of those first few times we talked. I was so excited to go to one of those cool college parties that I’d been looking forward to for ages that I immediately said I’d accompany him! Maybe I’d finally be a cool kid, the kind I’d never been in high school. Much to my disappointment, however, the party I’d been invited to turned out to be nothing more than a quiet social event, a barbecue at a local fraternity to meet some of the incoming freshmen boys, along with a few girls here and there. It was awkward, I felt out of place, and I pretty much clung to this boy the entire time because I didn’t know anyone else.

We hung out everyday after that. Something just kind of clicked, and he quickly became one of my best friends. He was goofy – in a good way – and I really enjoyed spending time with him. At some point, I realized I had feelings for him, and after we’d been friends for a few weeks, I finally admitted it to him. I got no real response on his end, so I dropped it altogether, until a few days later when I found out he also had feelings for me. It was a bit of a rough start, but at the end of September 2008, we officially became a couple and I was ecstatic. It had been a while since I’d dated anyone, and it was nice to be in a relationship again.

As happy as I was, I didn’t really expect it to become anything serious. (And this is no shock to him – we’ve talked about this before, and he didn’t really expect it to be, either.) We were both so young, and we still had so much to learn about each other, ourselves, and adulthood. We continued to spend every free second we had with one another, and quickly became very close. He wasn’t just my boyfriend, he had become my best friend, my confidante, and he made me so happy. We fell in love quickly, which I think very often spells out “doom” for so many young couples, but even after nearly six years, we’re still going strong.

I can’t say our relationship is perfect – in fact, it’s far from it – but there’s a lot of love and a lot of commitment involved. We’ve certainly had our moments, where we weren’t sure if we’d both make it to the other side, but even in the worst of times, we’ve always managed to pull through. In the fall of 2011, for example, we had nearly reached our breaking point. We were both so stressed with things going on in our lives that our relationship began to suffer, but there was light at the end of the tunnel, and we stuck it out – things got better. I think that’s something that so many couples seem to forget: things really can and often do get better if you give them a little time and have a little patience. Don’t throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble because, more often than not, you can and you will get through it.

In May of 2012, life had serious plans for us: we were going to have a baby. It was such a surprise for us, and it really threw a kink into our relationship again, when it had finally started to become solid again. It took a few weeks for us both to come around to the idea of becoming parents, and when reality really hit us, my boyfriend embraced the coming change in our lives. He was incredibly patient and kind to me during those next few months, and in January of 2013, as I gave birth to our beautiful baby girl, he was right by my side, supporting me every step of the way. He was amazing.

And, in February of 2014, we made the decision to finally set a date to get married. It wasn’t some big romantic gesture, but rather a conversation over Valentine’s Day dinner that started with, “You know, it’s been five years, we have a one year old daughter, do you want to get married? Just pick a date and do it?” out of my own mouth. Without hesitation, Mike responded that yes, in fact, he did want to spend the rest of his life with me, and no, he wasn’t sick of me yet – which really was a relief to me, because even I get sick of my own company sometimes. (I kid, I kid… kind of.)

I love my boyfriend – baby daddy, fiance, I kind of call him all of the above – with all my heart. I certainly don’t need to get married, and I don’t think it’ll make us any more of a family than we already are, but it will be nice to finally tie the knot later this year with our immediate families and grandparents. We’ve set the date and we’re ready to “just do it.” I suppose it’s not a very traditional way to get engaged and certainly not the traditional way to get married, but Mike and I have never been a very traditional couple anyway. All that matters is that we’re happy with what we do, and I think we will be. I wouldn’t want our life together to have turned out any differently than it has.

I’m excited. He’s excited. It feels like the right time and the right way for us to do things.

Friedrich Nietzsche is quoted as saying, “There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.” I think he was onto something. Relationships can drive us crazy and push us to our emotional limits sometimes, but there is also so much good that can come out of a relationship. Mike and I disagree and we argue and we drive each other crazy sometimes, it’s just like any other couple, but we’re also very happy together and we’re so ready to start this next chapter in our lives. I am so lucky and thankful to have such a wonderful significant other and a lovely daughter.